I want to discipline my child but I don't know what works. This is the dilemma facing many parents nowadays. We really want to do the right thing by our children but there are so many different ways to impose child discipline. So what really works the best?

There are many factors to take into account when you consider what discipline to hand out to your child. Firstly, the age of the child. For instance, grounding a seven year old child is inappropriate. They are too young for that kind of consequence. You really most likely only would ground a teenager, someone who wants to go out places and do things with their friends. Grounding simply does not have the same effect on a younger child. It works with teens and preteens sometimes because they are genuinely being deprived of something that they want to do. Younger kids tend to spend more time at home with their parents.

Children under the age of five years need to have an immediate consequence. It is of no value to hold out on a consequence, especially with a threat like "wait till your father gets home". Kids cannot relate crime and punishment if they are too far apart and shouldn't have to. If at all possible, relate the consequence to the action. If the child throws their toy you can simply put it away in the cupboard and try again another day. Depending on the age of the child, it doesn't even need to be for several days or even hours. Just take your cue from the child.

When dealing with my 10 year old, if she has an untidy room I will take something nice away from her (perhaps a dress that was on the floor). It will go up in the cupboard but as soon as I see her looking after her room I will give it back to her. It might even be just a few hours later. The thing is that you want to teach your child something. It's not about punishing them, rather teaching them things that they will need to get through life. You need to rejoice with your child when they get it right and give them plenty of opportunity to experience success.

My daughter still has an untidy room again and again and again. It is an ongoing battle with her. Some kids will continue to test you out. So if one consequence doesn't work that's when you need to go to the next level. I can relate it to when you get a warning for not stopping at a stop sign but you still do the wrong thing, the next level will be getting issued with a ticket. That's what we must do as parents. Have levels and escalate the consequences whenever necessary to teach our kids to comply.

With my daughter I said to her yesterday, "Beck, your room is still untidy. Here's what I am going to do. Tomorrow afternoon I am going to tidy your room for you. And whatever I pick up from the floor I can put into the rubbish bin if I choose to. If you are not prepared to tidy your own room you will have no say in what goes in the rubbish bin. The consequence in this is that she will lose some of her favourite toys and/or clothes by leaving a mess in her room. But the choice is up to her. Perhaps she has too many toys anyway if she can't manage to put them away after her. So either way we will end up with a tidy room. But if Beck wants to control what stays and what goes she will need to tidy her own room.

The bottom line is that every child is different. Just remember in it all that we are preparing our kids for adult life in the world. We need to make life fun for our kids. These are just some examples of how I understand child discipline.